The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name
by Moon Destiny
Summary: Prince John was in love with his inept, utterly stubborn, and outspoken servant Rodney. This was a wholly bad predicament for him for he was to marry someone else.


**Fandom:** SGA  
**Title:** The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name  
**Pairing/Character:** John/Rodney, implied Teyla/Ronon, and John/Teyla  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Disclaimer:** SGA © MGM, Sci Fi Channel, and Brad Wright. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Summary: **_Prince John was in love with his inept, utterly stubborn, and outspoken servant Rodney. This was a wholly bad predicament for him for he was to marry someone else._  
**Notes: **Written for rabid_fan for sga_santa 2009 on lj. Title comes from Lord Alfred Douglas' poem _Two Loves_. Beta'd by the awesome loki_onyx.  
**Word Count: **3, 446

* * *

Prince John had been ready for this. He knew, from the beginning, that bedding his servant wasn't the smartest thing to do; that it would have to be casual and nothing more. His people meant more to him than his own happiness, and their happiness apparently deigned that he wed a princess and reproduce little rug rats to swarm Atlantis and rule in his place once he croaked or became senile, whichever came first.

His father, ever the strategic man, had already selected a bride for him, John was horrified to learn that morning. It was Princess Teyla from the neighboring kingdom of Athosia.

'_Now, don't get me wrong, Princess Teyla is an attractive lady, and someone I could get along with very well. We had met on several occasions, mostly at festivals our parents had forced us to attend when we were younger, and we had bonded quickly.'_

But though Teyla and he would've made a good match under any other circumstances, John was sure that if it were Rodney who was female and not Teyla, things would not appear so grim.

"Rodney…" he started, when Rodney bent to untie his boots and undress him. But he wasn't sure how to continue. Saying, _I'm sorry but I'm going to have to terminate our mutual satisfactory arrangement of sleeping together because I'm marrying someone else_ seemed too professional and cold-hearted. The truth, _My father is marrying me off to a princess whom I can't imagine being with sexually without wanting to vomit, and I wish I could marry you_, implied that he, in a roundabout way of course, loved Rodney and wanted to spend the rest of his royally-charmed life with him. Which, okay, he wasn't going to lie, was what he _desperately_ wanted but he wasn't sure Rodney did and he was the crown prince. He couldn't exactly go around getting married to his servants.

They had been sleeping together for a couple of months, but hadn't mentioned to one another what it meant to them. For all he knew, Rodney could've only been in this just for a chance to fuck the prince.

"Hmmm?" Rodney looked up at him to continue, but John couldn't.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head and pulling Rodney up to kiss him passionately.

The heated kisses led to them getting naked and tumbling into bed. Later, when they were spent, and Rodney pillowed his head on John's chest, he had asked him, "Can I stay the night?" And it pained John that Rodney even had to ask, like Rodney always did. But he replied in the affirmative, just like he always did and would continue to do for as long as Rodney wanted him to.

* * *

"Princess Teyla will be arriving with her retinue shortly, I expect you to meet her at the city's gates." His father stated at breakfast that morning, looking at John sternly as if he expected John to argue with him. He did want to, but he wasn't foolish enough to try.

"Of course, Father."

The king nodded approvingly.

It seemed as though John had no choice but to follow through with his father's wishes.

Now the only thing to do was to tell Rodney. Someway, somehow and as gently as possible.

* * *

"You're getting married?" Rodney asked incredulously. John was on his stomach, lying on Rodney's legs, and playing with the soft flesh of Rodney's tummy. Rodney hated when John did that, it made him feel self-conscious about his body, but John loved it. He wouldn't call Rodney fat even if the man himself might. He was just a little bit rounder in the middle than John.

John hummed in reply, eyes closed and his cheeks pressed onto Rodney's naked flesh. It was a lazy Sunday morning, the sun shining through the large bay windows; the only time during the week he could stay in past sunrise and not be reprimanded by his father or his well-meaning servants. It meant that he could stay naked in bed with Rodney without the other man scurrying off at dawn, hair tousled and shirt inside out so he could escape before the whole castle woke up and found him sneaking from John's rooms.

He hadn't wanted to talk about it right then and there, ruin this moment he treasured so much with talk of marrying someone else, but Rodney had to know. Teyla was coming to the castle that day.

"My father expects me to marry before my twenty-fifth birthday, and that's going to come soon."

"Do you want to?"

"Do I want to what?" John was warm and sleepy, almost drifting back to sleep in the early morning light, and had a little trouble keeping up with the conversation.

"Marry whomever your father wants you to."

Ah. But it wasn't as simple as that. John certainly did not want to marry Teyla, but he had to. It was for the sake of his kingdom. John's happiness couldn't factor into it.

"Well, it's not a matter of whether I want to or not, Rodney, it's a matter of me doing what my father deems best."

"Of course, no, that's- that's reasonable."

John was most likely imagining the pained response.

* * *

"Ahh, Princess Teyla, welcome. Welcome to Atlantis." The king took the young princess' hand in both of his, squeezing gently before bringing it up to his lips to kiss.

Teyla mimicked his bowing.

John stood behind his father, looking around for Rodney, who he, thankfully, couldn't find anywhere. Though this should've assuaged his worry about having Teyla and Rodney in the same place at the same time while he was wooing one publicly and one privately, the fact that he hadn't seen Rodney since that morning when John told him of his arranged marriage to Teyla troubled him greatly.

He had hoped to talk to Rodney and tell him that this didn't mean any thing had to change between them (though he felt sleazy suggesting that he and Rodney continue their relationship on the side while John and Teyla lived as man and wife), but Rodney had fled somewhere afterwards. And now he was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

"My father expects me to propose to you sometime this week," John said quietly to Teyla, who was riding alongside him on her brown horse, while their servants were some distance ahead of them.

"Yes, I'm quite aware, Mother said as much," Teyla replied, solemn, probably thinking about Ronon like John was thinking about Rodney. Though most royal couples who had an arranged marriage- like both of their parents- had lived happily with their pre-arranged spouses, John didn't think the same would apply to him. For one, though he had come to love Teyla like the sister he never had, he couldn't imagine being a husband to her, along with everything that came with the title. And two, he was head-over-heels in love with Rodney, as hard as that was to imagine.

"What are we going to do? We have to tell our parents something."

Teyla shrugged, staring straight ahead at the back of Ronon's head.

* * *

His father sat at the end of the long table, sipping the wine from his goblet, in deep conversation with Teyla's parents sitting to the right of him. John and Teyla were at the other end, she on his left and Ronon right next to her, holding the chicken in his fingers gnawing at it.

Rodney was in his place behind John's chair, standing, ready to serve his prince at a moment's notice.

"This is a most wonderful meal," Teyla said, trying to glare Ronon into eating the chicken more slowly, but the brute of a guard happily went on inhaling one piece of chicken after another, along with the wheat bread, and the red wine.

"It really is," John said in agreement, while Rodney remained silent, as he had done for that whole evening. Though he had every right to order Rodney to be more sociable, he hadn't wanted to demand everything of his lover in one day. It was bad enough he was getting married to someone else while he was happily in a relationship with Rodney.

That hadn't deterred Teyla, it seemed, from wanting to engage Rodney in conversation. "Where are you from, Rodney?" She asked John's servant, leaning in closer to John's chair.

Rodney, whose face was blank, but leaning toward a scowl, looked at the back of John's head, as if seeking permission not to answer, but accepting that John wouldn't be turning around giving him any cues, replied, "From nearby."

Teyla nodded, as though this satisfied her curiosity, though John figured it hadn't.

* * *

"So please, let us raise our drinks to toast the happy couple and their journey onward toward a blessed life together," his father beamed at the full court and raised his drink, everyone following him.

As soon as his father had set down his goblet, he sent a meaningful nod to John, silently asking his son to dance with his new bride.

John offered Teyla his hand. She took it gracefully, and they slowly set out towards the middle of the hall.

"Don't look so uncomfortable. I'm not that terrible a dancer, am I?"

John looked down at Teyla to see a playful smile on her lips. "What? No, sorry."

"I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes. I've seen you go off in your head while I've been here." John tried to protest but Teyla shook her head. "I know I don't really know Rodney, and have only been here a week, but I've seen how you look at him, how _he_ looks at you. Everybody here doesn't seem to notice because they're not looking closely, but it is clear where your heart belongs, John. And it will never be with me. You don't see me in that way, and I wouldn't expect you to. You're one of my closest friends, but I could never see you as a lover."

"Is it that obvious?" John asked, relief flooding through him that Teyla seemed to understand without him having to say it out loud with words- not that he could even if he had to.

"Only to those who know what to look for."

John had nothing to say to that. He wished his father could see what Teyla did, he wished he didn't have this responsibility of marrying and producing an heir, he wished for so many things, but that's all that they could remain for the time being.

* * *

The next morning, Teyla asked to speak to the king regarding her marriage to his son and specifically asked that John not be in the room. The king, though perplexed at her request, granted it for he had a great affection for Teyla and wished to give her whatever she desired.

John, though he had wanted to be present, decided to honor Teyla's wishes and remained outside, not that he didn't press his ear against the oak doors to try to listen in, but well, they were solid oak and not that thin. He probably couldn't even hear them if they were shouting so that left him standing on the other side of the doors with Ronon standing as still as a statue with his arms crossed and his dagger hanging menacingly from his pouch at his hip.

"Do you know what her plan is?" He asked, pointing his thumb at the door. John thought Ronon smiled a little, but it vanished before he could tell that it was a smile.

"No," he offered no other elaboration.

He had known Teyla had a plan, but not the specifics. She was on board the not getting married train, and that she was going to speak to the king about it, but beyond that he had no clue what she was going to do. But he had faith in her. After all, she was a woman and he had heard that women were great at deducing matters to do with the heart, and she did figure out he was in love with Rodney after only being in their presence a short time.

* * *

Teya was nothing if not diplomatic.

"Dear John, I'm sorry that our union didn't work out, but I trust we will both find someone who will be worthy of our love."

Ronon sniggered behind the king's head, though it was quickly smothered when Teyla shot him a warning glare. She tightened her hold on her horse's reins and gave John and his father a deep bow before turning the horse around and galloping away from the gate toward their home, with Ronon beside his princess and the remainder of their retinue bringing up the rear.

John kept his eyes trained on the riding party until he couldn't see them anymore. His father cleared his throat behind him.

"Well, that was an enlightening visit."

John, still in the dark about Teyla's whole plan, nodded, unsure about what his father knew. Did Teyla tell him the truth? Did she make something up?

"I was most saddened to hear that Teyla couldn't go through with the wedding."

"Yes, I was disheartened to hear that as well," John turned to face his father, who was still looking straight at the horizon where Teyla had long disappeared.

"Dear son, may I just ask one question?"

"Of course, Father."

"Were you in love with her?"

"No," John didn't hesitate. He could've lied, but he had a sense that if he did then whatever Teyla had said to his father to allow her to back out of their arrangement would've unraveled his good fortune.

"Ahh, well. It's for the best, I guess if there's no hint of any love, this union of our two kingdoms wouldn't have worked out."

"Thank you, Father," John gave him a grin that confused the king. The way he saw it, he had nothing to do with the obvious downfall of his son's arranged marriage: Teyla didn't feel it was right to choose someone she didn't love over someone she did. And if Teyla felt that way, then the old king felt he was in no position to argue with a woman's heart.

"Don't thank me, son. It was all dear Princess Teyla's doing. Apparently, she had a consort already picked out whom she loved."

"Really?"

"Yes, well, I didn't feel it would've been right to force her hand to do something she didn't want to do."

John was surprised: he had thought his father would've been quite distraught at learning Teyla and he didn't want to marry each other. But it seemed his father's affections for the young princess had a greater force over his feelings to get his son married.

John's heart suddenly felt lighter and he couldn't stop smiling. Somehow, his fate had turned in his favor. He had just one more thing to do before his own plan of action could be set in motion.

* * *

The walk to John's chambers felt heavier and longer than it usually was to Rodney. After Princess Teyla's arrival, Rodney had made himself scarce. Though he was John's primary servant, the prince had enough backup servants that if Rodney couldn't be bothered to show up most days, one of them would surely pick up his slack.

The pain of not being there for John for the past week made Rodney feel guilty, but his own heart had been shattered when he had learned John was to be married- something he had wished for, but never dared dream, because it was impossible (he was only a lowly servant after all).

Waiting at the door for the moment, he weighed his options. Though John had asked for him personally, he could say he didn't receive the message, but if he was honest with himself he really wanted to see John- even if he had asked to see him to say goodbye.

He knocked determinedly and waited to be invited in.

John, at that moment lounging upon his bed, lifted his eyes to the door. "You didn't have to knock," he said, a weird look passing over his face that Rodney couldn't decipher.

"I just figured it was the appropriate thing to do."

"You've never worried about what was appropriate before."

"Well, that was before…"

"Before what?"

Rodney looked everywhere but at John. "Never mind."

John sat up slowly, he had wanted to get past all this awkwardness and get Rodney into his arms. He couldn't remember when they were last alone together. Yet, there was an important thing he had to do first, and he had no idea how to go about doing it.

"Rodney, about Teyla…"

"No, don't say any more. I know you want to marry her, and you should, I mean after all, you're the prince. You could have anybody you want."

John tried to catch his eye, but Rodney was stubbornly avoiding looking at him. "That's not true."

"What's not true?"

"The person that I want the most…the person that I love the most…" Dear heavens, this was harder than John thought it was going to be. "…the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I can't have. Well, that is, I hope I can change his mind about that." John reached down toward his pillow and pulled out a silver ring hesitantly. He had no idea what he was doing, or if Rodney would even say yes. There was still so much they had to learn about each other. However, he threw caution to the wind. If there was one thing he had learned during this past week, it was that he had wanted Rodney by his side. They could figure everything else out later. "I don't want to marry Teyla," he started, getting up and walking closer to Rodney. "I want to marry you- if you'll have me."

Rodney looked up sharply at him then. "You- you want to marry me? But what about your father? Your kingdom? You need an heir."

"I know, and I don't have any answers to those questions, but what I do know is that I can't spend the rest of my life without you, and I can't spend it married to someone I don't love."

"But, this is insane! Why would you want to marry me? It doesn't make any sense."

"Rodney, love doesn't have to make sense."

"Oh, sure, throw out sentimental crap, why don't you."

"Rodney…"

"What? All I'm saying is this is a monumentally bad idea. I mean not that I don't want to marry you- God knows I'd give my limbs to be able to do so, and the thought of you with someone else makes my blood boil, but this won't work. This _can't_ work."

"Rodney…" John got into his personal space, lifting Rodney's chin up to meet his eyes.

"What?"

"Shut up and just say yes." John said softly before closing the last few inches between them.

The kiss had come after seven whole days of no contact between them. John pushed eagerly into Rodney's mouth and Rodney opened up willingly. He grabbed at John's neck trying to bring him closer than he already was; John's arms encircled his waist. The kiss went on for what felt like eternity, but all too briefly it ended with both of them panting for air. Little trails of saliva were running down their mouths.

John's nose buried itself in Rodney's neck, waiting for his answer.

"Rodney, you haven't answered my question," John prompted him huskily after several long seconds of silence.

"Huh? What question?" Rodney started seeking out his mouth again, trailing pecks of brief kisses at the corner of his lips and on his cheeks. Rodney was kissing him everywhere, and John would've given anything to stay like this forever.

"Marry me?" He tightened his hold on Rodney, closing his eyes for either rejection or acceptance. What he was asking…it had the power to change his whole world and turn it upside down. Was he really ready for this? He had no idea, but his instinct told him to go through with it and, so far, it hasn't let him down.

"Yes," Rodney finally said, breathless and incredulous.

John felt his whole body vibrate with a nervous energy. "Yeah?" He asked, turning Rodney around and leading him toward the canopy bed.

"Yeah." Rodney replied, his body flopping down onto the soft sheets and John draping himself over Rodney, kissing him and trying to get him out of his clothes at the same time.

And they stopped talking. They had better things to do then and there. There was plenty of time for that later.

~fin~


End file.
